In a sea of couple conflict, find stability with Financial Mindfulness
David and Lisa were filled with love and optimism when they wed amid colour and song in Hawaii in 1994 but like many couples, they recently separated.
With the holiday season over and the New Year sending them back to work and to their new solo routines, 2017 looks like a tough year ahead for the whole family. David, 51 and Lisa, 46 are parents to Joshua (8), Jake (13) and Bella (11).
Josh misses his dad while Bella is angry at her dad and hasn’t seen him for 4 months. She quit her after-school job at a retail chain because she has exams this year. Jake’s behaviour problems at school have worsened since the break-up.
David works as an executive in a chartered accountancy firm and has strong earning capacity but as a divorce seems likely he may have to give the house to Lisa as it’s simpler for the children to spend the school week with her.
Both David and Lisa have been emotionally and physically affected by the separation and are worried about the future. Although each have big financial worries they have become less careful with money, sometimes spending to numb emotions like anger, grief, loneliness and sadness.
Both David and Lisa would see improvements to their mood, energy and sense of security if they introduced proven mindfulness practices into their lives, especially around how they use money – in other words, Financial Mindfulness. Mindfulness is not, as some people believe an attitude, but is better described as the regular practice of moment-by-moment awareness.
A ‘financial wellness’ study of PwC employees found 52 per cent stressed about their finances with 45 per cent reporting more financial stress in the last 12 months. More than half of Australians say personal finance issues are the leading cause of stress in their life, according to the Australian Psychological Society.
Reconciliation after 23 years of marriage seems unlikely for David and Lisa. The couple argued loudly at home for six years before they agreed he would move out.
Lisa is angry and feels disrespected and that David has been a poor husband, although she accepts he has mostly been a good provider and done his best as a father. She accepts some contact with their father is good for the children but struggles with any interaction with David.
“How can I trust anything he does now?” she often hears herself saying to friends and family.
Lisa feels resentful with three children to look after, and tries to make herself feel better by socialising with friends over dinner, at concerts and art galleries, pampering herself (at health retreats when David has the kids). She has taken a few short holidays and one extended one to Britain where her sister and her husband live and then through Europe. She also re-joined the gym because she is drinking and eating more and has started smoking again. She is still working in human resources as a consultant but has a rising credit card debt.
David now lives alone in a two-bedroom apartment 30 minutes from the family but still does maintenance on the house he owns with Lisa, though he isn’t welcome to let himself in. He also maintains their investment property. Since the separation (7 months ago), David drifted into depression and is finding seeing the children for only 3 days each fortnight difficult. He is working longer hours, going out for late dinners, is drinking more and goes on fishing and golfing trips with old friends.
He has also increased his spending on his two collecting hobbies: wine and sports memorabilia but is also gambling too often. He recently lost his driver’s licence for drink-driving.
“I sometimes wonder what the point is to any of this,” David often thinks. “Without the kids there wouldn’t be much to life for me.”
Both David and Lisa are doing individual therapy and meet for family counselling once a month. But growing financial pressure and stress is not helping their coping skills and both find themselves unhappy and snapping at their children sometimes.
In the coming months, separated couples like David and Lisa, going through these very normal life changes, can find some respite by empowering themselves with the comprehensive one-of-a-kind personal program to be delivered by Australian start-up company Financial Mindfulness.
Financial Mindfulness will bring a completely new element to the world of personal financial behaviour by giving people medically and scientifically-proven tools to make spending decisions that they will be proud of later (instead of regretting).
“Everybody has a need to manage their financial affairs in a complex world. We understand people would like to improve their financial wellness.”
“We can actually help, for the first time people can choose a comprehensive, medically tested personal pathway of actions, to take responsibility in dealing with their financial stresses. A personal program as an app, also transferrable to your computer.”
“Financial Mindfulness creates a pathway for users from the experience and impact of ‘financial stress’ to one of financial health, wellness and fulfilment.” says Financial Mindfulness Founder & CEO, Andrew Fleming.
“As a result people like David and Lisa will become more self aware and take responsibility of their unhealthy financial habits and use the tools of our program to form new healthier behaviours over time. This improves their self-esteem, their productivity at work and by extension, improve the lives of their children.”
“Our vision, for sufferers of financial stress to experience financial wellness.”
Watch this space to see how Financial Mindfulness will help you!